Valentine’s Day Chaos

Last week I sent a message to my email subscribers asking for their biggest questions about how to make Valentine’s day as romantic, special and sexy with their partners as possible . . .

I got about 150 questions dumped on me all at once . . . here’s answers to the most common (and a few of the “best” ones) for your reading pleasure:

Peter Asks:

“What’s the best way to ask a girl you have just been dating for a Valentine’s date?

If I don’t it will seem I don’t care and if I do does it show I care too much?”

Great question, Peter. My girlfriend and I were actually in a similar position this time last year. We’d met, gotten slightly goggly eyed for each other and started dating in late December/Early January and when the big “V” day came up we both felt the sword of romantic Damocles hanging over our heads.

Here’s what I recommend:

1. Don’t go over the top with the romance. A single flower is good, an overwhelming bouquet will just scream stalker.

2. Ask her to do something “fun” but not “formal” (no slinky dresses and expensive dinners.)

Send her a message saying something like “Hey, it’s Valentine’s day on Monday and even though we’ve just been dating a short time, I’d really like to spend it with you. Want to play the romance game with me?”

And go from there. But keep it light and fun and make sure you acknowledge that it’s too early for the two of you to be “in love.”

LongLiberty asks:

“How do you best handle V day when you have to work that night?”

Jobs suck. Especially on the “most romantic day of the year.” (OK, personally I think Valentine’s day is a bit of a sham. You’re much better off being romantic with your partner throughout the year instead of front loading everything on one commercialized holiday . . .
BUT it’s important that your wife/girlfriend knows you care about her on V day if only so she can brag to her friends.

If you have to work, you have to work.

So here’s what I recommend:

1. Plan something special for the two of you either the day before or the day after Valentine’s. It doesn’t have to be anything “crazy” but make sure she gets some “special time” with you.

2. Plant a small, sexy or sweet gift somewhere in the house where she’s not going to find it.

On Valentine’s day, when you’re at work send her this message:

“Happy Valentine’s day, honey. I love you so much. I’d give anything to be there with you right now, holding you in my arms and showing you how much I care for you. Go into the bedroom and look behind my dresser . . . “

And behind the dresser you should have something sweet. Options would be a single flower, a letter you wrote (not a store-bought card. Those suck) a Teddy Bear, something naughty (depends what you’re into) etc.

If you want to get more creative you could even make a multi-step scavenger hunt out of it where you have her going around the house discovering romantic gifts while you’re away. She’ll love it.

DD asks . . .
My wife and I have been married 30 years now and she’s sort of into a rut of
going out to dinner and a card for both of us. No chocolates (figure) and other
typical stuff. So, the day sort of comes and goes and we drop some big bucks on
the restaurant of her choice and that’s it. Ho hum.

What can I do to spice things up?”

This won’t endear me to the “1-800-Flowers” of the world, but personally I think having to take a second mortgage on your home just to show a woman (or a man) that you love them is incredibly dumb.

So I’m not going to tell you to buy some fancy jewelry, get her some slamming dress or anything like that.

What you need to do instead is “break the rut” with your wife. And that means taking control a bit and using CURIOSITY to get her motor running.

So . . .

On Sunday or Monday send her a text saying something like . . .

“So tomorrow night . . . “

She’ll write back saying something about dinner.

You respond saying “No, I’ve cancelled dinner. I’ve got a surprise for you . . . “

No matter how much she asks, don’t tell her what the surprise is.

On Monday, send her texts during the day telling teasing her about the night and your plans for her.

Things like . . .

“I want you to come home at 6. Go right into the bedroom and close your eyes . . .”

Or something.

Now, what IS the surprise? That’s really up to you. One trick I’ve used successfully is teasing her like crazy during the day, having her lie down and then treating her to a hour long massage. It’s even better if you don’t say anything the entire time.

But whatever you do, take the “boring dinner and card” off the table.

Holly asks . . .
I think Valentine’s Day is overrated.What do you suggest for a fun,but relaxed
date?

Burritos and “The Secretary.”

More seriously:

Skip the flowers, candy and uncomfortable heels and spend some time getting to know your partner.

Each of you writes 5 questions on pieces of paper about things you want to know about your partner. Any question will do though “do I look fat in this dress” shouldn’t be on there.

Have some take out, make out for a while and randomly draw questions and answer them honestly. Turn off the damn TV and connect like people. Simple. Cheap. Fun.

Layth asks:
hi mike. Theres this girl i want to ask to be my valentime but i’m not sure how. . . We talk all of the time and i know she likes me. Just not sure how to get the guts. Can you help? Thanks

So what is the best way to make Valentine’s day sex seem any better than another night of the week?

One word antici…pation.

OK, it’s two words when I write it like that.

A woman’s biggest erogenous zone is her mind. You need to spend all day heating her up and making her look forward to a truly mind blowing experience with you.

“When you get home, I’m going to . . .”

“You have no idea how much trouble you’re in tonight . . . “

“You’ll feel this shudder in your body as I . . . “

Etc. It’s really all about the BUILD UP. And when you do come together, you need to ignore your masculine impulse to “dive right in” and really take time to SAVOR your woman.

Kiss her. Touch her. Seduce her. Look into her eyes. TALK to her (in a low and sexy voice.) Narrate EXACTLY how you’re touching her and how she’s reacting.

Take it slooooow . . .

Believe me, it’ll be special.

Charlton asks
My wife and I are separated. She left me. What’s the best thing I can do for
her on Feb 14? Ignore her, give her something little (ie. card, momento), or
do something very noticeable so she doesn’t forget?

I get a LOT of questions about the Ex.

Here’s what I’d recommend. Whatever you do, do NOT go overboard on Vday. It’ll be creepy and make it a really hard day for her.

Instead, send her a text or card that says something like . . .

“Happy Valentine’s day. I was thinking of the many good times we had and the love we shared and it put a smile on my face and made my heart beat a little faster. No matter what happens, I’ll always be a little in love with you.”

And that’s it.

Short and sweet and nothing else that day.

If she wants any more from you, after receiving this she’ll let you know.

Janis asks
My better half is a store manager and he works out of town, so I’m goning to spend time with him valentine’s day, but he said he can’t take the whole day off, tell me if the trip is worth takeing.

Valentine’s day isn’t a real holiday. It was made up by crooks, liars and marketers. So there’s no reason that YOUR Valentine’s day has to be the same as everyone else’s.

Pick a day your man doesn’t have to work and spend some time building up to something special on that day. If he has to work he’s just going to be stressed that whole day.

SOMEBODY asks . . .

Valentines Day is just around the corner… my girlfriend and I recently broke off our relationship (her choice) after a very quick moving two months of dating. We speak once in a while via text messaging and email. She’s confused as to whether we should get back together or not. My question… should I at least send her a Valentines card, or do more, or nothing at all?

This is similar to the Ex-wife thing from above.

Send a message that says . . .

“I know you’re confused right now and aren’t sure what to do, but I just wanted to let you know how much I care about you. Hope you’re having a wonderful day.”

And leave it at that.

Ken asks . . .

I think i’m in love with my best friend. We get along so well I’ve never got along with anyone as well as I do with her.I’m afraid that if I tell her it will somehow ruen things. But I find myself thinking about her all the time.
The things I have with her is the way I know it’s suppose to be…HELP”

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!

OK, Ken, two things.

1. You SHOULD tell her how you feel . . .
but
2. You SHOULD NOT tell her how you feel on VALENTINE’S DAY. It’s just too much pressure and too much cheese for any one woman to take. Let the “Big V” pass, wait another week or two and then sit down with her and plainly tell her how you feel.

I can’t say how she’ll react, but confidence and directness are sexy.

Flavia asks . . .
Thanks Mike,
My bigest pazzle this valentines is how am going to handle it. We work
distances apart and only meet friday to sunday.
Just chacked the callendar and found that Valentines’ is a monday!!
Please advise

Like I said a minute ago, Valentines’ day is a total scam. Really, it’s a “Hallmark Holiday” and there’s no reason why Feb 14th has to be YOUR Valentine’s day.

Give your partner the best weekend you possibly can. Rock their world. Paint a grin on their face so wide they look like the Joker (or not.)

And then on Monday send them “Time Machine” texts making them remember all the juicy, romantic, sexy, wonderful moments.

hey mike!. at this point, i’m the *online girlfriend.* we talk several times/day via email and phone. it’s smokin’. lots and lots of *naughty talk!* he gets worried if he doesn’t hear from me for one day! here’s the problem. so far, he has hinted a couple of times about a visit. how do i jumpstart the process and get him to come meet me? and do i mention valentine’s day at all or leave it up to him?

frustrated in ontario!

Tease him like crazy with “if you were here” messages. Don’t be afraid to get sensual and even a little bit dirty.

Sam asks:

My wife told me when we first got together that she never expects flowers because they die but I see how she responds when her friends get flowers and I want to get some for her. Do you think this is a good idea?

It’s not the flowers that are causing her to feel that way, it’s the sentiment. What can you send her BESIDES flowers that will make her melt? What is she really into?

“how propse a girl on Valentine’s day in sweet n simple manner”

Have a simple dinner. Spend time together. Make love. And then look her in the eye and say “I love you so much. Let’s make this forever.”

“What can I do to have the most romantic velentines without spending to much?”
OK, I’ve been waiting for one like this:

Get a really nice card (a blank one).

Inside write “This card is redeemable for 12 hours of my complete and undivided attention. No phone. No TV. No nothing. I’m yours.”

Watch as she melts into the carpet and pounces on you like you’re a steak.

Klaus asks:

Hi, Mike!

“I’m living in Munich, Germany and partly also in Budapest,Hungary where my
sweetheart lives. I’ll send her flowers and a special email. Do think that’s okey?
(I like your writings)”

Yup.

More specifically, “HELL YES.”

Make sure you send her a DETAILED message and that you let her know how you’d SHOW her how much you care if you were able to be there.

“My question is how do you get your wife to want to get into what would be the gift I would like most: her in some sexy lingerie?”

It’s all about intention. If you focus on her doing something FOR you, you’ll fail every time. If you focus on the lingerie being something that she does for BOTH of you (and that she feels beautiful and wanted wearing) you’ll get what you desire. (And a lot more.)

So, this is my question about Valentines. It seems there is so much expectation
around it. How do I let her know I really care, and avoid doing stuff,
anything, out of a place of ‘she’s expecting this’?

Any thoughts?

Bob S

Many thoughts, Bob. Many many many.

Here’s the deal: What your woman wants more than anything else is to feel desired, sexy, beautiful, loved and romanced. Uncreative folks do that with flowers and candy. You need to do it with words and actions.

Read through the rest of this post and pick and choose your favorites.

Remember, Love is a CHOICE we make every day, and Romance is NOT about spending a bunch of money and buying STUFF.

Yes, yes, it’s nice to get flowers, Jewelry and things like that. But you can’t “buy your way into someone’s heart.” (Well, you can for some people’s hearts but those aren’t people you want anyway.

Instead, a great Valentine’s day (or any day) is built around the little actions and messages you send . . . the moments when you look into her eyes . . . the seconds when he feels your nails lightly on his neck . . . the minutes when you both sit and feel satisfied and loved.

If you want to know more you can continue here